The GHOSTS of Christmas Past (A.K.A. my exes)

Disclaimer: this blog post goes a lottttt deeper than just the holidays. no ragrets. ily degennies

Oke... let's "get into it yuhhhh"

It's no secret that the holidays look different for everybody.

From Halloween to Thanksgiving & Christmas to New Years, a lot can go down for sure. Some look forward to the holidays all year long... pure peacefulness filled with family, friends, love, joy, happiness... No bad vibes like ~they~ say. On the opposite end, you could be experiencing your first holiday season without a loved one. You could be dealing with never ending family dramas, issues with a significant other, or fallouts with your friends. Maybe you have to spend the holidays all alone... or working all day just to get by. Heck, you could just be tired of pretending to like your grandma's green bean casserole or listening to Uncle Eddy asking about your love life for the 13th Thanksgiving in a row (whilst your single status holds firm year after year.... I feel you sis).

No matter how good or bad you think your holiday season situation is, there's others out there feeling the same way, boo. You're not alone, and if you're like me, the holidays are... well, haunting (for a lack of better words).


Moral of this story: If the holidays are a hard time for you, I'm right there with ya.

Honestly... If everyday is, I feel you. I've been there, I'm there now, and you're not alone.

Santa may or may not have me on the naughty list, but I'm here to help.


I am aware that others have it much worse than I do, and the things I'm going to list below that have happened to me the past few years are in no way to come off as my circumstances are worse than anyone else's. Although I cannot relate with every individual's situation, I hope to uplift anyone going through any type of trauma this holiday season.

The past 5 years in a row, my "holly jolly" and "very merry" holiday spirit has been TRULY tested. & the degeneracy of it all is really, really real... BUT I'm still alive and kickin', so praise the LorT as Madea would say okaaaay.


Let's just lay it out there shall we...

  • 2017 - cheated on on Christmas Eve

  • 2018 - cheated on in December... & they got engaged shortly after so that was fun

  • 2019 - broken up with in December... & then he got a new gf that week so that was fun

  • 2020 - no boy issues :) oh yeah, but worse... found myself with a few less "besties"... & let's be real, did anybody really have a fighting chance in 2020 anyways? :')

  • 2021 - broken up with out of the blue the day before I left for flight attendant training in September. I was going to move cross country and start a life with him. THIS is the one.... it stuck. aaannnddddd not to mention, my family and I got in a huge argument christmas eve night (making a mends shortly after, but still, yaknow)

C'MON, SANTA CLAUS?! Mrs. Claus?! Never have I EVA asked for any of this on my Christmas list </3

... I know the elves had something to do with this.....

Rudolph would never.

How many of you have ever felt personally victimized by The Claus Family....???


Or... Regina George

Me too, same, ugh

On a serious note, I've found myself in some pretty depressing situations over the years... & keep in mind that these are just my holiday mishaps. :') [We'll get into the rest L8r G8r... patience issa virtue]

I truly feel like I've been in a constant heartbreaking cycle year after year that I cannot seem to find my way out of. Meh...


Through every rough situation, I tend to ask myself:

"Why does everyone leave?", "What's wrong with me?", etc. etc. etc. pity party, pity party, pity party... mah-hah

If you ask anyone else, you're gonna hear the cliche, "ohhhh no sis, it's not you, it's them" aaaaand, it very well could be them -- partially...

Key word: PARTIALLY!!!!!!!

As a raging degenerate, it’s easy to want to place all of the blame on somebody else when ‘sh** hits the fan’. ESPECIALLY someone who has hurt you beyond words can say. You may truly think in your heart of hearts it was all their fault...


BUT for me, looking at the bigger picture brings muchhhh more clarity...

Every relationship you have whether it be a member of your family, a friend, or significant other is between TWO people - you & them. NOT one... two!!! & that includes YOU boo.

We on the same page? Yes? Cool, okey, kool. Check mate. Touchdown. Whatever.

In my past, I am definitely guilty of being the person to blame anyone else. “Well, HE cheated on ME", "I hate him…", “it’s their fault we aren’t friends anymore”, “it’s his fault for leading me on”, "he never loved me", etc etc etc. That list could very well go on and on.

Although there may be no lies in these statements, there’s so much more to it… WAY more.


I’ve grown mentally over the years (eh well kinda sorta), and I've truly started ~realizing things~ as they say. From personal experience, lemme tell you sis…. YOU’RE THE PROBLEM TOO!!!!!!!!

Is it meeee? am iiiiii the... drama? YES hun.


Well, iDigress… You’re not 100% to blame, but YOU DO PLAY A PART whether you realize it or not.

Do you find yourself staying in situations with certain people that YOU KNOW should've ended a long time ago? Knowing you should walk away from the situation you’re in but staying long overdue? We really out here allowing these folks to live rent free in our heads for how long?! Oof.

Orrrrrr, do you continuously SELF-SABOTAGE when a good thing comes around until you ultimately ruin it? Taking out past traumatic experiences on someone who hasn't done anything wrong?

Pull up a chair my lil degenerate... & Join the club :')

But... I am in fact the president. Sooo... run for treasurer or something else, okey? okay. Stay humble, sit down.


I've been hurt so many times... drug through the dirt figuratively speaking :') [okay... but and literally because physical abuse :'''''), P.S. I love dark humor]

anyways, it seems reaalllyyyy unfair because it freaking is unfair UGH iDigress iPray-- BUT aht aht aht!!!! something in my soul and conscious in every single one of these situations told me to walk away before it got nasty and getting my heartbroken. Funny how that is, huh? Maybe you can say the same about yourself in a certain situation(s). I stay knowing I should walk away... ultimately breaking my own heart and let's be honest ---> making me act a fool, embarrassing myself, and doing things I regret :'''') We're moving past that degennies, we got dis iPray

I personally believe God sends us warning signs to protect us, and if you ignore God, you're gonna wish you wouldn't have. God and the universe are trying to get your attention and will continue to do so until you've learned and grown from the circumstances.

I think that's got a lot to do with feeling like I'm in this continuous cycle of holiday heart smash -- I haven't healed from the first holiday heartache & the cycle won't end until I do.

The cycle wont end until you heal.

On the other side of things in regards to my own personal experiences, I've pushed people awayyyyyy in my lifetime. I mean PUSH…. further away than the distance seems when someone holds the door for you & you’re no where near the entrance yet.

Choosing feelings over logic? Ding, ding, ding, I feel attacked (by myself oof).

Coming from a long time degenerate, I mean c’mon, what can I say? :’’’’’’)

Broken relationship(s)? you want to blame the other person(s), but sometimes, we are to blame, too. Open ya eyes degennies.

ACCEPT IT ALL. Yeah, it hurt like hell regardless of how it ended, BUT...

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, a season… issa lesson or a blessin’ baby!

KEEP THE COURSE. You don’t realize it in the moment, but all the hardships are what’s going to propel you to finding yourself. Diving deeper into “what makes ME happy?”, “what do I want out of this life?” You're going to be A-okay, boo.

Traumatic experiences happen to each and every one of us - whether it seems that list of experiences is endless or only a few, we’ve all got a different story… we’re all on a different path…


One thing stays the same amongst all of us though, those tough times are making you stronger. Like Kelly Clarkson said okikikik “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger” — YOU ON TO SOMETHIN’ KELLY! YOU RIGHT KELLY!


I’m sick, I’m tired — of feeling I’m in a continuous, traumatically encompassed holiday season year after year after year.

But yaknowwut, I’M ALIVE. & I’m manifesting now that this holiday season and entire year of 2022… things will look up.


Knock us down 9 times but we get up 10 ~Cardi B creds~


Signing off. ’Til next blog muhaha hahahahaha

SN: there is so much more to come. I've just started my Masters program online... on top of full-time work schedule... it's been a crazy start up to 2022, but it's all just beginning!

Howeverrrrr, in the works:

  • My website. It's not where I want it to be whatsoever

  • More blog posts of course... can't leave y'all hanging

  • Podcast

  • YouTube Channel

  • Social Media Pages - for marketing, merch, communication with supporters

  • Introducing my best friend/sister who's creative genius will assist in this brand and be at the forefront with me - I CAN'T WAIT

  • Introducing you to all of my people

I can't wait to see where this goes. I can't wait to get to know you all more. My little degenerates, my degennies --- not sure what ima call y'all yet LOL - we'll get there.

I LOVE YOU & God does, too, boo. Peace to the middle east, go degenerates, YOU GO GLEN COCO

Bye babies

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